I always had a problem with my weight. When I was in elementary school, I would often get teased because of my figure. Personally, I never thought that I was fat. Not even when my classmates were yelling “balyena!” (whale) to my face. But the teasing did hurt. It affected the way I saw myself and my classmates. I would get so jealous of all the “thin” girls in my class because they were getting all the attention from the boys (what? everyone had immature crushes back then. Was I the only one?) and even from my teachers. I had a gorgeous classmate, once. It hurt to be around her because you could feel how plain you were compared to her. How irrelevant you are. You all know the story: She was the favorite of every teacher and of course, everyone wanted to be friends with her. I’ll admit that I was one of those people who tried to be in her inner circle. Was I jealous of her popularity? Yes. Did I ever get insecure? Yes. All the time. So, I said to myself, “This will change by the time I reach high school.” And surprisingly, it did. I lost weight and finally, even for a short moment, I was in the spotlight.
But as I look back on this now, I feel embarrassed. I wanted to change for the wrong reasons. I guess it was never really about my weight. I had friends who loved me for being me and who I didn’t have to impress. I never wanted to change for myself, I wanted to change for the people who I thought mattered. Even when I was in high school and became semi-popular, I was never truly satisfied. I realize now that what’s important is feeling good about yourself rather than looking good. I still get insecure about how I look on some days but it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. I’ve learned to love all of my imperfections. Selena Gomez was right. Who says, who says you”re not perfect? No one can ever make you feel bad with out your consent. Don’t let them get into your head.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m 21 and with age comes wisdom (I don’t really believe that), but I’ve learned to set my sites higher. I want to stop worrying about how I look and what others think and focus on things that truly make me happy. I still dream of having “the perfect body” and “to look my best” but those aren’t my main goals anymore. There are so many things that I should be thankful for and I always take them for granted. He gives us so much and often than not, we’re too busy looking for things that will temporarily fill us instead of embracing his gifts.
So, I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Mindy Kaling’s book: Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? This part is from the chapter Chubby For Life:
“If someone called me chubby, it would no longer be something that kept me up late at night. Being called fat is not like being called stupid or unfunny, which is the worst thing you could ever say to me. Do I envy Jennifer Hudson for being able to lose all that weight and look smokin’ hot? Of course, yes. Do I sometimes look at Gisele Bundchen and wonder how awesome life would be if I never had to wear Spanx? Duh, of course. That’s kind of the point of Gisele Bundchen. And maybe I will, once or twice, for a very short period of time. But on the list of things I want to do in my lifetime, that’s not near the top. I mean, it’s not near the bottom either. I’d say it’s right above “Learn to drive a vespa,” but several notches below “film a chase scene for a movie.”